---
title: 'Pre-HRT musing'
pubDate: 2025-03-10T14:35:00.000+11
description: 'HRT appointment is getting closer and I have some thoughts and want to go over the story'
author: 'Aria'
tags: ["personal", "HRT", "🏳️‍⚧️"]
---

## The story so far

### In the beginning

At first I tried to sort this out through a local <abbr title="General Practitioner">GP</abbr> and they where genuinely pretty helpful, this was around this time last year(2024).
I first reached out to them over email asking if there was a GP there willing to help me out, I thought this email wasn't tied to me but apparently it was on file..

It was terrifying when they used my first name in the response, it wasn't good news right away either. No GP in my town had experience with trans related issues and most GPs where booked out so they couldn't fit me in anyway.

I felt pretty dejected by that *but then* the very next day they emailed me again! The worker who received the email was talking to some of the GPs and one was more than willing to help! he even squeezed me in his extremely packed schedule to help me out.

I went and talked to him a bit, he got some blood tests ordered for me and I went in for another appointment after getting the results, once again less than stellar news followed.

I cleared for any issues relating to blood clot risk which was nice, then I found that they weren't comfortable prescribing HRT themselves since they weren't trained in the field (Sad but fair enough!).

We looked through option for clinics and of course the only one is in the city 4~ hours away and with a *2 freaking year* waiting list.

whatever, __put me on the list__.

### The waiting game

Waiting and waiting and waiting with no word felt terrible.

While waiting I was shown the <a href="https://www.ttgc.com.au/" target="_blank"><abbr title="The Telehealth Gender Clinic">TTGC</abbr></a>, an all online Telehealth clinic specializing in gender affirming care!

Sadly they are pretty expensive and not covered by health care. I saved up and a little after christmas 2024 I was able to schedule an appointment, I'll get back to this~

### Update from the GPs referral

On the 11th of Feb I got a call from [Monash Health](https://monashhealth.org/services/gender-clinic/), if you check out the website at the time of writing<sub>[archive](https://web.archive.org/web/20250310025317/https://monashhealth.org/services/gender-clinic/)</sub> then you'll see the issue I faced.

__2+ years of wait time!!__

I still did have a lovely call with the lady on the phone, I am on the very long wait list for *free* 1 on 1 voice coaching (24 months) which is nice and I'm on a waiting list for again __free__ laser hair removal (only 2-4 months! target areas: arms + face).

They left me on the waiting list for HRT just in case, no harm done there but encouraged me to try and get a local GP to handle it.

### Back to the Telehealth appointment

Okay so the appointment is scheduled for `2PM Friday the 21st of March` which is less than 2 weeks away at time of writing!

As the actual date gets closer I get more and more impatient, it's finally so close.

This is an initial video call to do the usual thing of going over what my goals are, discussing how HRT will affect me and stuff, typically they will order blood work but since I got mine done "recently" I'm going to see if that is worth using or if I need to get it done again.

After this appointment I will send them the paper work and schedule a second appointment. if they approve the treatment (which they most likely will thanks to my previous clean bill of health from the GP) then they will sort out my prescription right there and I can order my HDR treatment.

Finally once I've started I will need to get a quick 10 minute review appointment with repeat blood work to check on my progress and update dosages every 3 months for the first year and then every 6 - 12 months in subsequent years.

## The thoughts going around my noggin

### 🥚🥚🥚

As the date rappidly draws closer I can feel my brain going over my past and realizing "Wow girl.. you where such an 🥚 this whole time".

I didn't let myself explore much during high school, thinking my general disgust for my appearance and body was just because of body weight or depression but after going from 120KG+ fo 78KG in a year and being in a much less toxic environment that high school I can really see that those reasons dont fir the bill.

Thinking about how I try to not look at myself in the mirror when my facial hair grows out or how general masculine traits of myself were off putting to me for such a long time.

I went through the funny timeline of: Maybe I'm gay? -> Bi? -> okay I'm pan? -> sure okay but along with that I could be a femboy right? they seem cool -> wait... I can just *be* a woman? -> Shit maybe I've been a woman this whole time...

I've since worn a skirt, tried to feel more feminine, desired to sound feminine, and more. I've let myself explore who I *want to be* not just who *I should be by others' standards*.

It's freeing.

### What next?

I'm so ready to move forward in this journey. I ~im~-patiently await for the appointment and plan for the hardest step yet; coming out to people in meatspace.

It has been well over a year now since I've been publicly She/Her online with friends and strangers alike but coming out in person is a much larger beast to tackle.

For context I live in bum-fuck nowhere, Victoria, Australia. I've had the pleasure of listening to my family be generally hostile towards marginalized groups in "jokes" and conversation, when gay marriage was made legal in Australia I was in the room with my <abbr title="Grand Father">pop</abbr> when it was shown on the news and without missing a beat I got to hear him say "Those kinds of people shouldn't exist".

In a small town where these views are prevalent I run a business, a small phone repair shop that barely scrapes by so the idea of being my true self here is scary.

It might not be right away but I'll get there, I got some very encouraging words from some close friends of mine and I'll hopefully make some more "local" like minded friends in the TTRPG game store the next town over(46 minute drive).

## Thanks

I guess thanks for reading! I doubt anyone has but hey I needed to just get this out of my system. this is such a dry ass post with 0 images or intrigue but at least it helped me resolidify my *need* to live as myself how I want to.

I'll hopefully share more once HRT is started but we will see how long that takes ;;;

Take care of yourselves and don't let anyone tell you who you should be, be who you feel comfortable being \<3
